Queen of Love and Beauty

Arrgggghhhh! Today has been one of those days. Made list of things that I have procrastinated on all week and got them done, but there were a few bumps along the way. The gargantuan pothole in my day was when I went to get a prescription filled and they said that the one they had on file was EXPIRED! Shit! I knew what I had probably done – when I got the prescription from the doctor I held on ton it because 1. I didn’t need it at the time and 2. I already had a running prescription with the pharmacy. To me it was a trip to the pharmacy that I did not need to make and therefore didn’t. Now that I need the stupid thing there is a problem – where is it? What did I do with that little frickin’ piece of paper? Shit! I immediately go home and proceed to tear my apartment up looking for that stupid thing. So much for all the cleaning I did. I did eventually find it but now the place looks like a bomb went off – papers of all kinds, everywhere! Papers that I have been meaning to go through and toss out at least half of. Now I have no choice. I must go through them to clear the floor of the living room so that I may see the carpet again.

My resume is now perfect thanks to Lana but the market has not gotten any better in the past week. If you would like to view my resume, click here. If you have any contact suggestions, please email me and let me know. I can provide the blurred out info if it is for a serious job consideration. Just don’t want it all over the web. I have school and no time for a stalker.

As for the rest of this week…

Made Tuesday night a “personal” night. Took some time out for things for me. Need to do this more often; maybe not the same things that I did the other night but it is nice to take that time to pay attention to yourself once in awhile.

Watched “Gilmore Girls” the other night. Actually I taped it them watched it later so I could fast forward past the commercials. I am always using the term “Oi”. Well, they started talking about this common little phrase as par of the show and came up with a new catch phrase – “Oi with the poodles already.” Hehehe.. I like it! I will be trying to work it in where I can as I need to shake things up a bit.

I am off to go eat something. Have not eaten all day. Need food. Food good.

This weekend was busy as usual. Among other things I went to Fellowship Church in Grapevine with some friends. This chuch is huge and they were joking that Fellowship and Prestonwood Baptist are competeing to see who can have the biggest facilities; if they keep going at the rate that they are the two churches will eventually collide and become one. I don’t see how it would be possible for one to actually feel included in such a large ministry, not to mention, I was taken aback that the sermon was delivered via a pre-recorded video tape that was shot in the Bahamas. I tried to listen and actually get something out of it, and in a way I did, regardless of the message’s lack of depth. I still was not able to get past the fact that it was just a tape and that they felt the need to go all the way to the Bahamas to film a sermon. Maybe that was only one of the reasons for going there but I still felt it was to the excess.

Also happened to find the picture that I was in at Geek Meet the other night.

This one was at Times Square in Dallas. The only other time I had been there was after the place first opened and was called City Streets, and I was not impressed then. The Geek Meet event was alot better and I hope that they hold more of them there.

Took some time for me today. Actually, me and Punky (aka Dog with Fangs). Walked Punky this afternoon then walked me. I need to be able to fit into some of the more dressy business clothes that I have, and right now they just don’t. It was nice to get outside. The cottonwood fell and sat atop the grass like a light layer of snow. I was happy to be drugged. I have also got the walk and change the cd out at the same time thing down to a fine science.

I realized that I am in a few ways out of control in my life and that I need to get that control back. Having a job is a big part of this. It wasn’t my idea to be laid off from my previous job. I need to get back to my regular workout schedule because this when-I-can-get-to-it stuff is not cutting it. In June I will need to focus on the one class that has been the bane of my existence – Calculus. Follow that with my second physics requirement in summer II so I can avoid the evil TAMS students during the regular semesters (They are so evil I am not going to even acknowledge them with a link). I have alot ahead of me and any feelings of inferiority, regardless of where they are coming from, are not going to do. Going to attempt to focus on what I need to be doing; right now, getting a job, and getting insurance.

Off to email resumes out and get some sleep. Will post my resume on here soon as well.

The Rolling Stone cover link is now working. Yay!!! TJ thought that there was nothing more I could do to make this better so check it out and let me know what you think.

I have been introduced to the reality that is the current state of the job market this week. In Dallas there used to be plenty of jobs for those of us in the field of computers. On Tuesday I saw how drastically that had changed – there was less than half of one page of IT ads in the DMN, Sunday edition. With this new development I am emailing everyone I can think of that might possibly be able to help me in my current situation. Surely someone out there would like to hire an intern who can do a job for truckloads less than someone with a few more years on them and allow them to gain needed experience. Well, I am hoping this is true. If you have any suggestions or names of people that might be able to help please click on the link that says “Punky says ‘WOOF!’” and email me.

Wednesday night was good for networking. Talked to Jesse from Verizon and he was able to help me out today. Thank you Jesse! Also met David and a few others at the Geek Meet on Wednesday. I wasn’t’ sure how it was going to go as I had never been to one of those things but it was quite fun. After that I headed to the DFW Blogs get together. There I was finally able to put faces to the sites that I have been reading, and them the same with mine. Didn’t get the names of everyone but most… met the people that I was told about. It turned out that last night was a good time to be had and I do plan on attending again… both to Geek Meet and DFW Blogs.

Went shopping with my sister this evening. It was more like she shopped and I watched. This is how it is most of the time but it is worse when you have to keep yourself from buying anything because the option is not currently there. This one was a little less eventful than our last shopping trip when we went to the Nordstrom Rack store in Plano, shopping for my birthday. She comes across this gorgeous dress and even though neither of us have anywhere to wear it, she gets it and we both plan on trying it on. Get to the dressing room and she tried on the dress. It was the perfect size but she needed help with the zipper. I tried to help her but was not aware of what was about to follow – she got stuck in the dress. Let me emphasize that the size of this dress was perfect for both of us. It was not too tight and she was not poured into it. Many garments today are made with really crappy plastic zippers and come to find out (a little too late) that this was one of them. The zipper itself was falling apart. I saw it with my own eyes. I tried and tried to get that zipper to budge but it wouldn’t. Insult on top of injury, this was a Nicole Miller dress! I finally head out to track down a sales person and a pair of scissors to get her out of this dress. This is where things went askew. We allowed the sales girl to cut her out of the dress. The sales girl (soon to be known as the incompetent sales girl) cut the zipper, and in the process cut the fabric as well. She could have cut only the zipper and Stacy could have had the zipper replaced. That small cut to the fabric changed everything. Valuable lesson learned here – never let incompetent sales girl cut you out of a Nicole Miller dress. Let your trusty sister do it (meaning me) or get the manager, who can appreciate the value of said dress. Stacy bought the dress anyway and took it to a few people to see if it could be fixed and still retain the size but they all said ‘no’ so she took it back.

Well, that is enough for now. Off to bed.

Since I have not posted since Friday this is going to be a little scattered, but then again, I am scattered.

Had company Friday. We hung out, had dinner at my place and watched a movie. Since Friday was such a long day in regards to school this was just what I needed… to relax. Nurmal danced around and played with the JITB antenna ball during this time; it was the most shameful display of “Hey, look at me” that I have seen in awhile. Saturday came along and went to another cook out at Wick’s house. He is so nice… such a wonderful host. Went swimming there as well. The water was a bit cold at first but not so cold that you couldn’t get used to it. I paid for that Sunday – everything hurt. Worked on the project Sunday for school and emailed that in the afternoon. I am hoping that he got it in time to count it. There are currently no updates to the class website even though he said that he was going to post the grades there, but then again… he is a bonehead.

Anyways….

Took mom to dinner for mother’s day. If she would only embrace the wonders of prozac and reforming her pack rat ways her life would be better. Until that day arrives Stacy and I have to suck it up and continue to think that one day the hints that we have been dropping on this might actually sink past the scull and into her brain, and that she would actually let us near her house with a carload of hefty bags and a good idea what we were going to do with them. I love my mom. I just don’t love her mindset.

I was working and had health insurance through my work. I was laid off and I get my COBRA packet that says that my premium through them will be $251 and change. I call the insurance company and they say that this is good. What is wrong with this picture? The fact that I am too honest for my own good and told them that I have asthma. What I don’t understand here is that so does a good portion of the population and they will most likely tell me that they will cover me but they will charge more and also place a rider on my asthma, meaning that they wont’ cover that. What the fuck! Now I know – when the insurance company asks you if you have any conditions, LIE.

Mean while, back at the ranch……

Tried to call Mark week before last but he wasn’t home, hasn’t called me back and still need to fix his answering machine so that it will actually answer the phone. Going to send him an email this week and see if I get any response. He is not allowed to talk to me per his new girlfriend. We dated for three years (my longest relationship to date) and have been friends for 6. Total – 9 years! I would seriously like to know what the deal is with all the insecure women out there and the men that allow themselves to be told who they can and cannot speak to. He had told me that if I had been seeing someone things would be different. How should this make a difference with someone you have known for nearly a decade? If we were going to get back together we would have done it long before now. My sister and I were talking about another one yesterday – a friend of hers that says he is now getting married to a woman that he and my sister used to work with; a woman that hates my sister and does not want him anywhere near her. My sister has had a boyfriend for a long time now and she has also been friends with this guy for a number of years. She and the friend never dated and go to lunch once in awhile. I know it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex but when is word going to get out to the rest of the women out there who are trying to keep us from those friends? Ah, and let us not forget the number of men out there that are insecure as well; they can be worse than the women. Can’t we all just get along???

Ru, Tina and Valerie are all going to Scotland on Wednesday. I offered to stow away in the luggage but they didn’t go for it. Jeremy is jealous too. Oh well… I need to get the job hunt in high gear and get a job before I do any traveling. I also need to get on refinishing the coffee table so that it can be put back into regular use. Back to the grindstone.

Here is the scenario… driving to Denton on I35… song comes on the radio. A weird song. Very weird. Just thought of it today and decided to search. It is a cartoon character on the Cartoon Network called Brak and the song is “I Love Beans.” You can either guess the rest or listen to the song. It was a little hard to find as the Cartoon Network is not posting mp3′s (bastards!). Here it is… will post some more of my quality brain drivel later but I wanted to go ahead and get this up.

Finally, here is a new format. Comments? Criticisms? It is not perfect but it is closer to where I want this to be.

From here on out, no more family-site attitude. I was trying to keep this super clean but then I am restricting being myself and that is not going to work. Sorry Hannah! I will probably still post some of her stories but the rest is going to be me… the crazy, sick and all that comes with.

Yesterday sucked. Thought I would try and make it better but it still sucked. Well, not completely but it still could have been better.

Didn’t really have classes yesterday other than a review in one and turning in a paper in another. After I got the paper in, I had decided earlier that I would go to the hip hop class at the Rhythm Room. It has been so long since I have taken one of Barry’s classes, I still have two credits left and thought this would be the perfect thing to clear my head. Get there and find out that the class has been canceled for this week because Barry is in Canada. Shit! Turn around and head straight back to Denton. I had also tried to go to Williams-Sonoma earlier too but they were closed and will not be open until Saturday. I guess I was just not meant to do anything fun today. Went to the gym and spent time on the treadmill instead.

I am home now and my head is still spinning.

And now for the mindless drivel….

I think that the one thing that I did not want to happen has. I am not sure but if you have opened your mouth and shoved your foot as many times as I have you get accustomed to the taste, and even more so, you recognize it. Kinda tastes like chicken.

I am always being misconstrued or taken out of context, never getting a chance to re-phrase. I hate that. Sometimes it is not so bad, but for those that do not know me or understand me they don’t take me with the grain of salt that they should. This semester in tech writing I happened to be with a group that was great fun. I did not have to think anything about being misinterpreted. They have been great. I must give them kudos – Lana, Beth, Michael and Moses. We will not find out the results of your presentations until Monday but I must say that I think my group did have the most fun. We talked about so many things besides our project, which made the time spent all the more fun, as well as productive.

In that group I was never misinterpreted. Outside of that, it happens continually. I try and catch myself and sometimes I do. The rest of the time I am just one big mess of statements that are meant to go one way but instead go in a completely bass-akwards direction. I try and re-phrase or say what I meant it to mean but it is too late. Maybe I would be properly aided by a large roll of duct tape. That would shut me up, but what about my hands? I will still be able to type the written word. Hmmmm… what to do.

First, I promise to update more.

I was watching “The Wonder Boys” Sunday. Had seen most of it before but missed a huge chunk and came back to it at a point that made what I saw of the ending seem completely wacked out. Got to see the rest. The movie centers around writing and those who do. I have thought before about what I would write about if I ever sat down to attempt some great work. I don’t think that there would be more than one. I am sure that I would never had a second good idea. The idea for the “great work” has yet to materialize so I am left to read that of others and think that it will come in its own time. I then thought (while watching the movie) that maybe clarifying what I know and what I don’t might be of some assistance. For what little it is most likely worth…

What I know –

I know being raised in Texas

raised in Dallas

raised in the south; raised southern

raised in the suburbs

I know private school

I know public school

I know church every Sunday morning and Wednesday night

I know trying to kill my sister when we were kids

and now wondering what I would do without her

I know eating too much halloween candy

and telling mom that I was sick

and making her regret not taking me home sooner

from that party at school

I know bad haircuts

and looking like a boy

and having others notice that I looked like a boy

I know the home movies made at Christmas

and the spotlight that we hated

and the story behind the camera

and that I love the story

I know the traditional drawl

I know a less pronounced one

I know legal drugs

I know ephedrine

in large quantities

I know I like the opera

and the symphony

and the theatre

and that I hardly ever get to go now

I know I like soundtracks

I know that most other do not

and that I don’t care

I know that I want to read more

and I am trying

I know that I like what little I have heard of Chet Baker

I know that I would eventually like to write something

worthy of publication

I know having a few friends that withstand time and conflict

actually, maybe three

I know being drunk enough not to remember

and that I wish I did

I know the comfort of a long relationship

I know the comfort of being single

what you give up for both and what good you get in return

I know a normal childhood

compared to that of some of the others I grew up with

I know having no direction

and knowing exactly where I am going

I know death

I know jealousy

I know an overactive imagination

I know the roller coaster that is being

with a seriously troubled person

and wanting to get off

I know of having faith in something that is larger than me

and hoping that I an not wrong

and hoping that they will lead me in a direction that want to be in

sooner than later

I know that I should not be in a hurry

I know that it is hard not to be hurried

in a hurried city

in a hurried time

What I don’t know –

I don’t know illegal drugs

making a true snowman – Texas never gets enough to find out

having a suprise party

being incarcerated for any reason

the loss of a pet

Maybe there might be more in the “don’t knows” if I knew what I was missing, but then again ignorance can be quite comfortable.